I wanted to go back. Back to the very thing that I am certain of doing for the rest of my life. I just don’t know how to, and when to start. There are so many things that have happened in the past. A lot of disappointments, hurt, and even pain have gone by. They say, we just all need to move on, never to look at other people’s faults, and accept the fact that nobody’s perfect.
I don’t know. Maybe things are a little bit of cluttered on my mind now. How can I ever go back if I really don’t know where to start? I mean, it’s more difficult to start all over again. Things are a bit complicated and I’m making things more complicated. Yes, probably the problem is with me, alone. I could have never blamed everyone for all the things that I’m feeling and experiencing now. The thing is, I just don’t feel that I belong down there anymore. Honestly, whenever I’m there, I just don’t fit like everybody else does. I can’t even stand of being there for a whole day. Something is really wrong. I don’t know what it is but one thing’s for sure, I really, really, really need to figure that out soon or else, I will be lost permanently.
I always ask myself of the same old questions in the past few months. And in the previous months, I am WANDERING. I honestly am. I don’t know where to go. I wanted to go somewhere else. I wanted to be in a different environment, with different people to deal and to talk to, and lastly, with a different me to start with. I lost my interest on commitments, and that is the single most important thing that I needed for me to stay. It takes a lot of courage to admit this, and whatever it is that they say that the truth will set you free, it’s happening now. It’s true. Because I can feel it.
The best part here is that I could be very honest with myself with what’s currently happening. And with that honesty, every better thing will follow.
I guess, I just needed more time. A time to think things over and a time to be myself again. I am very hopeful for better things after this. And I wish, I would never go back to this kind of situation once I get back.